We saw Santa...

and Alyssa actually sat on his lap. She refused for the last couple of years, but I told her I would probably be asking her to when she's an old lady.

I think the picture turned out really nice and cute:

So anyway, I finally finished my mom and sister's ivy bowl snowmen, after...2...3(?) years. They take forever to do, just because of the painting. Plus, you have to sew a couple of seams on the little hat. And since I'm so great at sewing, I put it off as long as possible.

I feel a little down today. I love Christmas, but I always get depressed around the holidays for some reason. I should be excited because my kids are excited. It's hard to explain I guess, but I get mad at myself because there is no reason at all why I should be depressed.

My parents went to visit my sister and her family for Christmas. My brother in law's parents moved back from Indiana, and this is my neice's first Christmas, so I don't blame my sister for wanting all of the baby's family near. Plus, my parents are going to drive down and visit my grandmother, as she is in the hospital riddled with cancer. My dad wanted to see her one last time. I wish I could have gone to say goodbye.

I think my problem lies with my mother. We were talking, and she said that my sister wants to have all the grandparents there for the baby's first Christmas. No problem. The issue is that my mother then said, "Can you blame her?" First of all, my mother missed Alyssa's first Christmas AND her first birthday (they are only 2 weeks apart) because mom was in Saudi Arabia at the time. Not her fault by any means.

Then she missed Aislin's first birthday because she went gambling in Vegas with her friend, and refused to come back one day earlier for the party. Aislin's other grandmother is Jehovah Witness and doesn't celebrate birthdays, so Aislin didn't have a grandma at her first birthday party.

What kills is that my mother's response was that it was Aislin's first birthday and it wasn't a big deal for her to miss it because Aislin would never remember it. So why is it different with my sister's baby? Shouldn't it be the same that Annika wouldn't remember her first Christmas, so what does it matter?

Now don't get me wrong. My parents have not seen their youngest grandchild since she was born in May, and they HAD to go visit my grandmother. I'm happy that they will get to see everyone. I'm just tired of my mother having different ideas for me and my sister. She doesn't even notice that she says these things. She's constantly on my ass about things, but would never dare talk to my sister the way she talks to me.

I'm sure that's most of my depression problem right now. I feel selfish and stupid and immature, but I think after 30 years of my mother doing that has gotten to me.

I know parents aren't perfect and I don't expect them to be...

...but they shouldn't expect their kids to be perfect either.

1 comment:

steffi248 said...

you have my sympathy..i would get really mad if my mother could make time for my sister but not for me...and it seems like she thinks your sister's baby is more important...which is horrible because imagine how your child would feel if she ever found out...
hope it works out for you somehowxxx