Where does the time run off to...

when you don't do much during the day?

I mean that in the most sincere way, in that it seems that the days pass by faster this summer when I'm not working, than during the school year when I teach. It's unbelievable, because I'm even getting up earlier in the morning than usual. Then I blink, and the day is over.

I think I'm focused on this aspect even more than usual because my baby, Aislin, turned 2 years old this last Saturday. Plus she got her first haircut. She screamed the whole time. I really need to post pictures. But her turning 2 is impossible, because it hasn't even been enough time to forget the labor pains. She just can't be 2! Can't be! And Alyssa can't be 11 1/2 and going into 6th grade! And she has boobs! My little Peanut is as tall as me and has boobs. *sigh*

Why? Why are they allowed to grow up? I guess I took it for granted that they would always be babies and need me and be able to snuggle on my lap. Selfish, yes, but see previous posts. I think I'm wallowing in misery because I got out their baby books to reminisce and to update Aislin's and the changes just got the best of me.

On the plus side, Justin's thumb is looking great! After just 2 months after amputating it, it is almost fully healed. There is some concern with the nail, as a little bitty sliver of it is trying to grow, which is gross, and the doctor will decide in 3 months what to do with it. But it doesn't hurt as much as it did, and he's now getting weird phantom pains in it. I just feel bad for him when he tries to do something that requires a thumb...

...and he forgets it's not there!


Wow, twice in one day...

that I have finished a project. Granted they are very small, but I feel a great sense of accomplishment. Not only is the stitching finished, but they are framed and ready to display! They are over on my sidebar under "Recent Finishes."

Finishing projects is part of my self-imposed therapy for trying to work through my OCD. One of the problems is being a perfectionist and I take so much time just to finish something. I pick at the stitches and take them out if they don't look right to me. I spend hours with tweezers pulling out little cat hairs that only I can see. And the thought of leaving a mistake gives me a panic attack.

I made up my mind that I was going to finish something, anything today. And I finished two! Yay for me!

So once again I need to catch up on SBQOTW.

June 11th: What do you do when you have some sort of obligation stitching to do, but don’t want to do it?

I really hate obligation stitching in general, because it's always patterns that I probably wouldn't ever do unless it was for that person. When I did TW's Wedding Sampler for my sister and brother-in-law last year, I pulled out my hair and cried and threw a fit and begged Justin to not make me do anymore. It was the greens. All those damn confetti greens that TW is famous for. But I pushed along and got more excited as I got more done, and I couldn't wait to be finished so they could see it.

I model stitch for one company about every three months, and once again they may send something that I don't particularly like, but I have to finish it within the deadline or 1) I may not get paid, and 2) they may not send another model for me to stitch. I think I'm more excited seeing my name associated with the piece than with stitching them.

But then there are those pieces, like my dad's "Forest Deer," that has been languishing in the "I hate you" pile for several years. I think it was supposed to be his Christmas present for the year 2000.

June 6th: Do you think that you stitch neater on Evenweave than you do on Aida cloth? If so, why?

Actually I think I stitch better on Aida than on evenweave. I hate hate hate stitching on Aida, but since it's stiffer and harder to pull and distort the threads, my stitching just looks better than on evenweave.

I still won't stitch on aida though, unless it's something very small.

I never said I wasn't a snob.


I think I've finally come to a point in my life...

...where I really don't feel like stressing about stuff.

Usually I'm a complete "Type-A personality," but it seems that the things I was worrying about is not so major in the grand scheme of things.

Take for instance:

1. Bill collectors. I most often worry about bills. Are there any due today? Did I pay this one or that one? How is my credit? I have almost perfect credit and I don't want to ruin it. Now most people do worry about keeping up with their bills, but I'm really sick of obsessing about it on a daily basis. I am not teaching this summer so I am a little behind (40 days) on one credit card. Most days this would have me in migraine status. But today I told the *customer service* rep that I am paying what I can when I can, and will get back on schedule when my contract comes up again in August. I can't do anything else about it, I can't give them money I don't have, so I'm not going to freak out like normal.

2. My girls. Normally I obsess about how they look. Are they wearing clean clothes? Are their faces washed and hair combed before going out in public? Have they bathed recently? For health factors, yes, I make sure they bathe and comb their hair and brush their teeth on a daily basis. But Alyssa (11 1/2) is giving me fits with her clothes. I try to buy her a new shirt and a pair of pants or skirt about every month. Shoes and school clothes are about twice a year. Recently I bought her a pair of black converse that she *had* to have. 3 weeks later I made her throw them away because she had colored all over them with Sharpies. And not nice coloring either. Mom said I should have made her wear them anyway, but I'm so afraid of someone questioning my parental judgment that it was almost impossible to let her walk out the door with them on. I don't want her to look like a rag, but I'm beginning to realize that it's not worth obsessing about, because if someone questions me I'll just tell them that she's the one who writes on her shoes and pants.

3. My house. I spend a great deal of time cleaning. Of course I don't want a messy house, but going to obsessive lengths to make sure the house is immaculate all the time is depressing me. One of my goals is to realize that I don't have to scrub everything every day. The girls won't get sick if the floor doesn't get mopped every day! Will they?

4. School. I HAVE to get straight A's. I had a 4.0 GPA with my Master's Degree, and I don't think anything less is good enough for me. I just started back to school to get a public school teaching license and I got an A in the first class. But does it matter if I don't get A's in everything? It used to. Now I'm not so sure. Not that I'm going to slack off or anything, but I don't know that it's healthy to be so obsessive about it. And I really see the affect it has on Alyssa if she doesn't get straight A's. My best should be good enough.

5. My parents. Especially my mom. I always have to try to be perfect for them. Not that they expect it, it comes from me only. I know I disappointed them quite a bit while I was growing up, and I don't want to continue. I am bound and determined to realize that my parents do love me and are proud of me. Once again, being happy with myself has to come into play. But my parents are moving all the way across the country in a few weeks. How will I function without them? Wait, I'm 35 and I have a job and a husband and kids. I have to tell myself I'm a big girl now, and flying is cheap these days.

I think those are the things I obsess about the most.

What am I thankful for?

1. My beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet, healthy girls. They really keep me going.

2. My handsome, caring, tender husband. Tough on the outside, soft on the inside...just the way I like 'em!

3. I have a place to live, food to eat, tv to watch, and cross stitch. It doesn't get any better than that.

4. Loving parents and family and a few very close friends who make life that much more enjoyable.

5. My brother is still safe in Iraq. Please support our troops!

I'm going to focus on these aspects now, because the other worries just seem silly by comparison. No I'm not selfish...

...I have OCD.