...where I really don't feel like stressing about stuff.
Usually I'm a complete "Type-A personality," but it seems that the things I was worrying about is not so major in the grand scheme of things.
Take for instance:
1. Bill collectors. I most often worry about bills. Are there any due today? Did I pay this one or that one? How is my credit? I have almost perfect credit and I don't want to ruin it. Now most people do worry about keeping up with their bills, but I'm really sick of obsessing about it on a daily basis. I am not teaching this summer so I am a little behind (40 days) on one credit card. Most days this would have me in migraine status. But today I told the *customer service* rep that I am paying what I can when I can, and will get back on schedule when my contract comes up again in August. I can't do anything else about it, I can't give them money I don't have, so I'm not going to freak out like normal.
2. My girls. Normally I obsess about how they look. Are they wearing clean clothes? Are their faces washed and hair combed before going out in public? Have they bathed recently? For health factors, yes, I make sure they bathe and comb their hair and brush their teeth on a daily basis. But Alyssa (11 1/2) is giving me fits with her clothes. I try to buy her a new shirt and a pair of pants or skirt about every month. Shoes and school clothes are about twice a year. Recently I bought her a pair of black converse that she *had* to have. 3 weeks later I made her throw them away because she had colored all over them with Sharpies. And not nice coloring either. Mom said I should have made her wear them anyway, but I'm so afraid of someone questioning my parental judgment that it was almost impossible to let her walk out the door with them on. I don't want her to look like a rag, but I'm beginning to realize that it's not worth obsessing about, because if someone questions me I'll just tell them that she's the one who writes on her shoes and pants.
3. My house. I spend a great deal of time cleaning. Of course I don't want a messy house, but going to obsessive lengths to make sure the house is immaculate all the time is depressing me. One of my goals is to realize that I don't have to scrub everything every day. The girls won't get sick if the floor doesn't get mopped every day! Will they?
4. School. I HAVE to get straight A's. I had a 4.0 GPA with my Master's Degree, and I don't think anything less is good enough for me. I just started back to school to get a public school teaching license and I got an A in the first class. But does it matter if I don't get A's in everything? It used to. Now I'm not so sure. Not that I'm going to slack off or anything, but I don't know that it's healthy to be so obsessive about it. And I really see the affect it has on Alyssa if she doesn't get straight A's. My best should be good enough.
5. My parents. Especially my mom. I always have to try to be perfect for them. Not that they expect it, it comes from me only. I know I disappointed them quite a bit while I was growing up, and I don't want to continue. I am bound and determined to realize that my parents do love me and are proud of me. Once again, being happy with myself has to come into play. But my parents are moving all the way across the country in a few weeks. How will I function without them? Wait, I'm 35 and I have a job and a husband and kids. I have to tell myself I'm a big girl now, and flying is cheap these days.
I think those are the things I obsess about the most.
What am I thankful for?
1. My beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet, healthy girls. They really keep me going.
2. My handsome, caring, tender husband. Tough on the outside, soft on the inside...just the way I like 'em!
3. I have a place to live, food to eat, tv to watch, and cross stitch. It doesn't get any better than that.
4. Loving parents and family and a few very close friends who make life that much more enjoyable.
5. My brother is still safe in Iraq. Please support our troops!
I'm going to focus on these aspects now, because the other worries just seem silly by comparison. No I'm not selfish...
...I have OCD.